miracles

i don't remember when the idea first popped into my head, or when i first said it out loud, or when i started all the planning and researching, but for as long as i can remember it has been my dream to be a nurse.  it may have all started with grey's anatomy.  i was fascinated by the hospital environment, and the surgeries and medical conditions, and the idea of bettering others' lives.  that made we want to be a surgeon, and then i thought about how i didn't even want to finish high school, let alone college, and then medical school, and then internships and residency, and then fellowship.  so i decided nursing would be a much more reasonable idea.  and when i told anyone that i was planning on being a nurse, they said it completely fit my personality and they could totally see it.  done deal.

i probably spent hours researching the best nursing schools in the country, like it even made a difference because, lets get serious, i'm not planning on being the best nurse in the country.  and bottom line, by the end of my junior year i would decided that the only school i really wanted to go to was BYU anyway.  so then i spent time researching BYU's nursing school, and the prerequisites, and i read through the whole application, and all the required classes, and i wrote out all of the service i had done for my 5 year service list.  this was probably somewhere between my junior and senior years.  clearly i'm a bit of an anal perfectionist.

well i got into BYU in february of my senior year of high school and it was one of my happiest days.  but then i started college and i wasn't so happy as i watched my GPA drop lower, and lower.  let's face it, i was one of probably 300 other freshman who felt that reading for american heritage wasn't really necessary.  and i didn't actually need to go to the open lab to study for my weekly anatomy quizzes.  because i was the girl that got straight A's without studying ... in high school.  after that first semester i worked really hard to pull my grades back up, i retook classes, i studied constantly, i pulled all-nighters.  

that brought me to this semester, the fateful semester i would apply to the nursing school.  i've been working hard to make sure that i had A's so that my GPA would be high enough.  and i calculated it with what i would have when i submitted my midterm grades and i was feeling pretty confident.  until i realized that i had been calculating it wrong and i would be nowhere close to that "magical" number, the one that would result in my acceptance.  thats where my breakdown came in.  why had i been working so hard for what i felt was a pretty righteous desire, only to fail?  why had i prayed that my last recommendation be turned in on time, the one from my headmaster at ISB who said "he didn't think he had received the email i sent him 10 days ago" 2 days before it was due, only to find out that on the very last possible day it actually had been turned in, if i wasn't actually going to be accepted?  why did i end up getting A's in all my classes, despite my lower 2nd midterms, if my GPA wasn't going to be high enough anyway?  why did none of my backup plans seem like they would work out? why after all the work i had done, would i have to repeat 3-5 classes to transfer to another school, the only possible plan i came up with that might have worked when i didn't get in?

remember d. todd christofferson's talk from april 2011 conference about the currant bush? 

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”

i felt like a currant bush.

and the more i thought about it, i knew that the lord had a plan for me and if it wasn't BYU nursing then i would figure it out.

friday i was sitting on the couch watching tv, and i looked over and saw the little red message light flashing on my phone.  i had 3 emails and thought nothing of it until i opened my email and saw the one that said "winter 2012 nursing admissions notification." and i didn't want to open it.  but i did and the first word said "congratulations!" and then i had to keep reading.  and then i started crying.  and then i ran upstairs bawling and yelled to chad I GOT IN!!! and of course he didn't know what i was talking about because i wasn't supposed to find out until monday, and it was supposed to be a rejection letter, so he made me show it to him and sure enough it said "the college of nursing acceptance committee has voted to grant you acceptance to the program for winter 2012." on paper was it logical that i would get it? probably not.  but that email was just proof to me that heavenly father knew i needed to be a nurse.  and he knew i needed to be one now.  and i am so grateful for the little miracle i received because, after all, i've been planning on being a nurse for years now.